2017 Alpine Shop Castlewood 8 by Captain Ahab
After a crazy amount of switching
people around on the Team BOR teams (Sorry Emily and Erl), I found myself on a
two person male team (Team BOR - Quadfathers) with Paul Frisbee. Having raced with Paul several times before
on 4 person teams I felt like we would have a really good fast race. The Team BOR teams consisted of 15 members
and one Off The Front racer, Lo Mattson.
Team BOR teams listed below.
Team BOR – David Beattie, Amy Crews, Alane Wolins, Jessie
Brown – (the Team BOR name always goes to our fastest 4 person coed team, so no
hyphen needed.) (– 4PC)
Team BOR – Oh My Quad – Cassie Bart, Robert Bart, John Naas,
Tim Johanns (– 4PC)
Team BOR – Oh Quad Why? - Jeremy Jamerson, Scott Herbst (– 2PM)
Team BOR – Quadfathers – Captain Ahab, Paul Frisbee (– 2PM)
Team BOR – 2Tops Racing – Larry Lazo, Karl Kilthau (– 2PM)
Too cool to have quad in the name?
It’s BORing Off the Front – Steve Fuller, Loreen Mattson (– 2PC)
Still Married? – Reanna Person, Kevin Minton (– 2PC) Shouldn’t
this be The BOR Minton’s?
So
after all this teammate / team switching I started changing my race plans. Instead of going easy, I decided Paul and I
could go flat out. I also decided that
since the start/finish venue requested no alcohol, I wouldn’t drink before or
during the race. I have been testing
different medicines to alleviate the pain in my knees during races. During training I don’t use any meds and just
“listen to my knees.” If they feel good, I go hard, if they hurt, I go
easy. In the last few races I have tried
aspirin, Ibuprofen, Tylenol (Acetaminophen), Alcohol, and Aleve (Naproxen). I don’t consume caffeine at all what so ever,
so I can’t try that; mainly because I have a crazy addiction to Coca-Cola. I also don’t like using Western Medicine as I
think Western doctors push too many meds, so at Berryman this year I used
alcohol, which worked great removing the pain, but also made me very drunk
during one portion of the race. The
effects caught me off guard some, but we still had a very good race. On the med side everything seems to just dull
the pain for a short time and have some serious side effects to the body’s
organs, but Aleve has been working the best.
So I decided to pop two Aleve’s and give it all I had. I also changed my plans of using tows as I didn’t
think we would need them, but this decision was a bad one as I will tell
later. I tried to pack as light as
possible so I could be the mule and Paul could be Check Point Charlie. We didn’t really decide who would navigate as
both of us can. We met the Team at Alane’s,
plotted the maps, picked a route, and crashed at my house.
In the
morning we quickly showered (separately), dressed, loaded the Jeep, and dropped
the bikes off at Castlewood. We then
dropped Paul’s truck at the Learning Center (note: we were the only team that
followed instructions). We got some Mc’Ds
and headed to the start. After numerous
pictures and the pre-race meeting we lined up for a team photo (thanks
SuperKate). Paul then made the comment
that we should move up in the pack; we didn’t move up far enough.
We
started running in a herd. Paul ran like
a stallion, breathing effortlessly, legs and feet graceful as if he were
dancing. His backpack small and light
clung to his back like a jockey on his race horse, and then there was me, hoofs
stomping, breath roaring, snot spewing, sweat dripping. My back pack bounced around my back like kegs
of Budweiser on the wagon, pulled by the old used up Clydesdale they don’t ever
let you see. We moved up the ranks after
passing several teams, but that passing was taking precious time away from
us. We finally got into a good pace,
well my pace as I grabbed on to and held on to Paul’s pack. As we passed Mickey, he said, “Oh look, Paul
is blowing up Captain Ahab early!” I thought, “Yes, yes he is!” We passed and passed
as teams turned off to CP’s 1 and 2. Our
plan was to hit CP4 first to avoid traffic, back track to CP2 and then cut
across to CP1, then 3, then 5. I stopped
a little early to look at the map. Paul
said we have to keep going a little to the trail. I thought, “how does he know that, he has no
map.” I looked at the map and realized
Paul was correct. We ran a little farther and could see the CP from the
trail. We ran up the reentrant to it
with only one other team. We then took
the trail around to CP2 as planned and ran into a whole lot of BOR’s coming in
the opposite direction. With no time for
photos we pressed on to CP1 and saw Lo and Steve. 
We get
into the water and Paul makes a few strokes on one side of the boat and then
switches and then does the same again. I
am confused on his technique and ask what he is doing. He says he is counting 5 stokes on each
side. I ask if he is doing that because
he is tired. We have only been in the
water a minute. I tell him to try 10,
15, 20, 50, 100, the more the better.
The less you switch the more you have your paddle in the water, the more
you have the paddle in the water, the faster you are. I tell him that I am really good at the
paddle. I ask him to trust me. I ask him not to steer the front of the boat
unless I ask him to. I ask him to never
brace, just to J-stroke, and only if I ask him to steer the front. I ask him to stay in the current at all times
and tell him to avoid the “V”’s pointing at you and shoot down the “V”’s
pointing away from you. I ask him to stay
in the outer turns as that is where the current is. I ask him to watch the paddlers ahead, paddle
consistently until you see their strokes wain or get sloppy, then their boat
will veer to one side, and then we will attack on the opposite side. I tell him to “hug” obstacles and avoid
canoes. I forget Paul really likes to
hug and hug is a bad description of what I am asking. I say, “hug is a bad description as it
implies touching; don’t touch, get close as possible, with no touching, “intimidate”
will be our word.” Paul likes to get
really close to the other canoes. I tell
him that is bad when passing as the paddles get intertwined. I tell him to follow one side of them in
their wake and then pass wide, “Shake and Bake Ricky Bobby!” We get our
paddling in sync and I tell him that I am the Captain when paddling and he is
the Captain in everything else. We pass
team after team and I know we are flying.
To intimidate the other teams I watch their strokes and when I see a
weak stroke I tell Paul to attack and I start singing Gilligan’s Island or
Jimmy Buffett’s A Pirate Looks at Forty, which I pretty much know the entire
song by heart. I see the teams looking
back and as they do their strokes get worse, so I sing louder. We pass everyone we see! We are killing it! I tell Paul that even if he gets tired to
keep digging as after the canoe we don’t need our arms again, but to hang on to
the bike handlebars. I tell him to use
his core and burn his arms. Paul is a great sport and did well listening
to all my barking orders and my terrible singing, even not being able to
understand me saying “J-stroke.” Another
team agreed with Paul that it sounded like I was saying, “Help, joke on the
right” (I actually can’t remember what they said I was saying, but I believe
them that it was crazy nonsense). I told
him no waving to anyone as it took away a paddle stroke and he smiled and said
there is always time to wave at kids. I
said that’s creepy and no waving allowed, but then he caught me waving to a
photographer. We brought the canoe in to
Castlewood beach and threw it on our shoulders and walked into transition. We had passed so many teams that I didn’t want
to lose the spots to transition, so I hurried Paul along in changing shoes and
eating. He said he needed to eat and I said
me too, but let’s eat while we move.
Larry and Karl were there in transition, Mickey’s team had just landed, and
I really wanted to beat both of them.
As soon
as I we got on the bikes, with a mouth full of food, I realized I missed a CP.
Paul’s photographic memory kicked in just as I was finding it on the map and we
agreed it was just down the trail and we had barely missed it. We picked up CP15 and headed to
Grotpeter. I started to follow another
team instinctually, but Paul quickly corrected me to go to the trail head. Here we had planned to go straight up
Grotpeter, but being familiar with the trail I decided to change our plan and
take the long switch back around. As we
did, I realized it was a lot rougher going uphill as it is going down and
thought I may have just made a bad decision and may have hurt some of Paul’s
riding power. We climbed to CP16 then descended Rollercoaster to CP17. We easily found CP18 off the trail junction
and took the direct path trail cut off to the road. I noticed Paul wasn’t moving very fast on the
single track, but he doesn’t ride single track often and is more a runner. I think on the road we will move fast again,
but on the way to CP’s 19-24 I notice Paul is struggling and I wish I would
have had a tow because I feel as I am moving very slow and have a ton of
energy. I keep reminding him to shovel
food in when he can. I try to hold his
bike as I eat and check the map and he punches CP’s. Our team work is still solid and we are
passing teams and not getting passed very often. I just keep kicking myself for not having a
tow. We move slowly to CP24 and grab the
bonus map. I look at the bonus map and
take off. Paul is getting an Extreme Electrical
whisky hand out and he asks if I want some.
I hear SuperKate ask Mickey if he wants to strategize and I tell Paul to
move! I want to get the CPs pretty much
in reverse. I know these trails well and
take the trail directly to Cedar Bluff CP42, then CP40, then CP41, then
CP39. I tell Paul to not let me forget
CP39. We see Adam Rybar, a non-racer
this year, but a friend, and quickly say hello.
This slight interruption messes me up and I say I don’t want to ride the
sand traps. I say we have to go West to
avoid them and Paul looks at me like I am a mad man and says, “you mean East.”
I say, “sorry I have my map upside-down pointing in my direction.” Paul is right again and we avoid the traps
and make it back to CP24. I am confused
as whether to stop here or not and they tell me we can move on to CP25. I had almost lost Paul a few times back in
the Stinging Nettle, so I slow down a lot down the Al Foster and curse myself
for not having a tow. Paul falls farther
and farther behind and I start worrying that he is bonking. He says he is cramping up and I tell him to
eat and drink and spin until we get back to single track. I notice he is eating mostly sweets so I give
him some salty pretzels. We move up Rock
Hollow to Zombie and get CP25. Here we
had planned to avoid the single track and take Rock Hollow up, but I change our
plan to stay on the single track as I don’t want Paul climbing hard at the end
of the race. We hit tons of traffic and
Paul drops behind and teams start passing us a lot. On the way up to CP25 I see teams
bikewhacking and tell them riding is faster.
I come around the switch back and their female team mate says isn’t that
the guy who just told us it was faster and easier to ride? I say, “Yes, that was me” as I fly by. I round the next switch back and giggle as I pass
them again and their navigator laughs too.
We ride on to CP26-29. I can see
Mickey just around the switch back, but Paul just doesn’t have the gas to get to
them. I see Larry and Karl and Paul
gives them an ass chewing for leaving their bikes behind, since that is the
mode of travel. I listen to Paul and
notice a lot of teams don’t have bikes.
We ride on and Larry goes the wrong way, so I know we have beaten them
as they are backtracking to a missed CP.
I really really want to catch Mickey’s team and beat them, but Paul is
seriously falling behind. I stop leading
and pulling away and ride behind him, thinking it will be better for his mental
state. I keep telling him we are almost
done. One last big hill climb and we are
done. He says, “There is no beer!” He
says it and I feel his heart break and his will to race is over. There is no reason for him to ride hard
anymore and I feel his disappointment.
We ride up Rock Hollow and I try to stay side by side with him or
slightly behind him and tell him spin until the last steep part and then push
until you cross the line. I get in
position and push him up the hill the best I can. We finish and Mickey rubs it in that he beat
us, I congratulate SuperKate, and I think we are the first BOR team in until I see
Jeremy laying relaxing in the grass. 
We hung
around, ate, met our sponsor Dr. Brian Laiderman of Optimal Performance Center,
showed him Amy’s butt, took some pics (none of her butt), and cheered our Team
BOR teams as they crossed the finish line.
What great weather, fun race, and great friends! I skipped the post-race party to go to my
wife’s company Christmas Party, got really hammered, got sick, screwed up my
recovery massively, and was sore for 3 days after, and contracted someone’s
illness and missed a day of work to feeling just plain poopy; so is an
Adventure Racers life! God Bless and I
love all you crazy bastards; except Mickey and John…I hate those guys! – Ahab
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